Healing my Lineage Line and Creating a New Paradigm, "I am Encouraged to Speak My Preferences"
I've recently been watching a YouTube video with Esther Hicks and Abraham: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqVrAHx0-Kk
And I'm being reminded of "preferences." Here on earth we are constantly creating and manifesting, and when something shows up that we don't like, it's an opportunity to look at it with curiosity and ask ourselves, what is it that I prefer?
This gives us the opportunity to pivot and ultimately become more clear to ourselves about what we are "wanting", "desiring", or "prefer."
This theme has been coming up a lot lately, specifically in my career. 2022 was a big year for me in that I consciously began separating myself as a makeup and hair artist (an industry I've been in for, for 17 years) so I could put more focus on my work as an empowerment and manifestation coach/ EFT Practitioner.
Since I've been in MUAH for 17 years, I am at a place where I built my name, my relationships, and through the power of tapping, I was succeeding. I was confident, and never worried when the next "job" would come through ( which as a freelancer, that is the best feeling in the world! ) but to now consciously say no to incoming MUAH inquiries and work, that was terrifying and so incredibly hard. I still get MUAH inquiries that I have to ask myself, do I really want to do this job or am I just scared to say no and to turn away an "opportunity" the universe has presented?
Here's the thing about limiting beliefs.. they are layers. So even though I already worked on beliefs around "asking for what I want", "having confidence that the jobs will appear consistently", "trusting that I am provided for by the Universe", new layers and iterations of those beliefs have come to the surface to heal on an even deeper level. This round, I am becoming more aware that these beliefs go beyond just me, but deeper into my lineage.
In doing my own tapping practice yesterday morning, I saw that I still have so much fear around saying "no" to MUAH work because I feel I am "disrespecting" the Universe's generosity. There was fear that by turning down this work, "I will never get the opportunity to make money again" **Key thought here, it wasn't "i'll never get another MUAH job again" which used to be my old MO, but "I will never make MONEY again."
That is deep and painful, and NO WONDER I was so afraid. But when I was truly honest with myself, I saw, I heard the thought of "I'm not allowed to speak my preferences because it is selfish, disrespectful, guilt, shame; I must take only what is given and not ask for what I truly want, because if I do, I won't get anything. So take it, even if I don't want it."
I imagined how young this voice was within me, she was maybe 10, and what came up as I was tapping with this 10 year old, younger Carly, was this belief goes even deeper than me. It is generational, and I could see the generations, my Mom, my Pau Pau (Grandma in Chinese), her mom, and deeper down the line, how many times they weren't "allowed" to speak up and state what they really wanted, but "humbly" take what was given to them, and to be "grateful."
So I worked with my younger self in creating a new paradigm for ourselves, because in remembering Esther and Abraham's video (their work and books play a big role in the work I do with my clients) I knew this thought and belief was just a limitation, a block, and a generational line that needed to be healed and transformed. I remembered that life was meant to be created, and we create from our preferences.
Here I was wanting so deeply to state my "preferences" in "Hi Universe, as my booking agent, I really appreciate all the makeup and hair work you are and have sent me, but, I'd actually like to pivot. I would prefer if you sent me coaching work so I can help people on a deeper level in releasing their blocks and tapping into their power so they can create the life the truly desire. Because I really enjoy helping people, and I know I am good at it! Today I ask that you please send me coaching work instead, because that's what I prefer. I appreciate you, and thank you!
I wrote this out and immediately felt this was the missing piece and the energetic block of feeling I'm not allowed to state my preferences, has been holding me back in evolving the beliefs that I can ask for what I want. So of course I went further in asking myself, what is the new belief I want to create here? And this is what came up:
I am financially and abundantly rewarded when I state my preferences.
I am encouraged to speak and communicate my preferences.
Next, integration. Although just deciding a new belief and paradigm helps a lot, I don't want to spiritually bypass any feelings or thoughts that may come up while I integrate and embed this new belief. This is where tapping on lingering fears, doubts, or feelings is important, and be very compassionate with myself as I move myself through this transition. I have created the support around me by working with a craniosacral therapist to help me even more move my emotions and this lineage line I currently feel pulling in my body.
The deeper I go in my personal healing, the more I understand the importance of creating the support system around me. I do believe the paradigm is shifting, but there were many generations that saw help as weak. That we are supposed to do it all on our own, and I think this quote from "Luminious Darkness" by Deborah Toll expresses to perfectly:
“Just as it takes a village to raise a child, I believe it takes a community to remember who we are.”
Remember you aren't alone, asking for help is courageous, and you can do it.
Sending you all love, please share if you too feel there is a lineage belief that may be unseen, but you can sense it is holding you back from creating what you want, and speaking your preferences.
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